Update: Couple sends back $25,000 wedding gift to mother-in-law after she uses it as approval to ruin their plan, force a bigger wedding by booking their dream venue

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Apr 20, 2026 5:00 PM EDT

Some people respond to being told no by finding a more creative way to say yes on your behalf. The future mother-in-law in this story is a graduate-level practitioner of that skill

Before this update, I wrote: "Wedding gifts should come with strings attached, but when your fiancé's mother is a puppet master like this woman, you're better off with no gifts at all," and, well, not to brag, I was spot on.

Now our bride-to-be shares an update, because when she thought it was over, for her mother-in-law, it only just begun.

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  • Update: AITAH for refusing a wedding "gift" knowing there will be strings attached?

    Hi, everyone. I posted here a couple of weeks ago and got some wonderful advice. A few people asked for an update and I thought I'd let you know what happened. It's not good.
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  • If you didn't see my original post, my future MIL offered us $25,000 towards our wedding, but I knew there would be strings
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  • attached to make the event her way. I thought maybe I was the AH for overreacting or seeing something that wasn't there, but you all told me I was 100% correct.
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  • So I decided to have a heart-to-heart with my future MIL, with my fiancé attending, too. I told her that I miss the relationship we used to have, but it's
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  • become strained because | feel she has not respected the choices we have made for our wedding. We explained that we aren't
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  • depositing the check until we have this conversation and we're all on board about how we move forward. I know we didn't
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  • need to provide a rationale, we just required acceptance, but I thought it would help her understand.
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  • • The wedding size. I reminded her that my fiancé and I are introverts. We would be maxed out emotionally and mentally with 50 people. And quite
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  • frankly, we only want the people who have been a part of our lives to be there so celebrate with us. There's no need for childhood neighbors to attend, there's
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  • no need for distant cousins we haven't seen in 15 years to attend. Just the people who have been with us on our journey.
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  • • The wedding gown. This is non-negotiable. A bride chooses her gown and I will be choosing one that I can be comfortable being in
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  • Woman wearing glasses sits on a couch counting cash, with a dog resting beside her.
    via Karolina Grabowska

    Woman wearing glasses sits on a couch counting cash, with a dog resting beside her.

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  • (this is the first time I'll be wearing a dress since prom), reflects my personal style, and makes me feel beautiful. Not anyone else's personal style.
    via Defiant-Function8397
  • • The venue. Ok, this is a bit cringe, but my fiancé and I met at a speed dating event a restaurant was running 4 years ago. We hit it off and here we are. Our absolute
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  • first choice for the reception venue was this place. Their event space will fit 50 max.
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  • We thanked her for her generous $25,000 but we would give it back if our decisions. aren't respected. We asked if
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  • she has any expectations around any decision-making that comes with the gift. My future MIL cried and apologized and told us she just wanted everything to
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  • A genuine conversation, real feelings shared, tears, an apology, a deposited check, and a move into the vendor confirmation phase. The kind of outcome that makes you feel like the hard part is over. It was not over. The hard part had just switched tactics.

  • be perfect and she's sad that she never had a daughter who she can play a normal motherly role in wedding planning. That she was so scared that I'd leave
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  • her out of everything (which I never did, I wanted her to feel included).
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  • So there you go, we had a resolution. We deposited the check and started to move from the "spitballing ideas" to "confirming vendors" phase.
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  • When I called the restaurant we wanted for the reception their private function room was unfortunately booked out for
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  • Hiring a wedding planner without being asked was framed as a gift, a way to take pressure off. Small enough to seem reasonable, easy to explain away. But a wedding planner hired for a 50-person wedding by someone who had just been told to back off is not a gift. It is a foothold. The planner showed up already briefed, already operating under a different set of instructions, already booking venues designed for 200 guests because someone had quietly called ahead to explain that the guest list was expanding.

  • our very specific date that we can't change, which was really sad. So we decided to start looking at other options.
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  • A few days later, I get a call from a wedding planner who proceeds to tell me that my future MIL hired her to help with the wedding. ?? | called my future MIL and she explained that my fiancé mentioned
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  • we lost our preferred venue and wanted to take some pressure off my shoulders and hired a wedding planner. She insisted the planner was just to do all the background admin tasks. Okay....
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  • I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm not sure why a wedding planner is needed for a small wedding or why they'd even bother taking the job, but if my future MIL wants to spend
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  • her money on making things a little easier for me, that's fine. I met with the planner twice, described our vision for the wedding and she said she'd put together some bookings to view venues, taste cakes, etc.
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  • Here's where the sh hits the fan. The planner sent us a list of venues she's booked for us to see. We had a look online and all of the venues are large. Like, designed for 200 guests. We're
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  • The venue sabotage is what shifts the whole story from frustrating to genuinely unhinged. Booking out a restaurant's private function room under a fake name specifically so the couple could not have it is not a misunderstanding or an overreach. It required planning, a phone call, and a deposit. Someone thought about it, decided to do it, and did it. That is a level of commitment to getting your way that most people do not have the audacity to attempt at a family dinner, let alone during someone else's wedding planning.

  • confused and when we went to the first appointment yesterday, my fiancé joked that 50 people won't need this much dance room. The planner looked confused and explained that future MIL contacted her last week to explain that we were considering expanding the
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  • wedding and would need a bigger space than originally planned.
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  • Without the fiancé's response, the update wouldn’t have any satisfying element, and i probably wouldn’t bother to write about the same frustrating mother-in-law again, but his response ends it in the way that most of these stories do not. No speech, no mother-son dance, no planner, no involvement, password-protected vendors, and a very clear warning about what happens next. The money went back the same day.

  • We got home and I called my mom and cried to her that this is all just too d In much and we are now considering eloping. My mom's spidey senses tingled and she called the original restaurant we wanted and was like, "I'm
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  • calling about an event my "sister" is planning and she's so forgetful I just want to confirm she's booked the private function room. It's for [date] and my sister's name is [MIL's name]."
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  • You guys, this b booked the venue out from under us. She booked it and paid a deposit to secure it so we couldn't have it. I can only imagine she did this to slowly convince us to book a larger venue and host a larger reception.
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  • My fiancé called her and tore her a new one. He told her she's no longer involved in any aspect of planning, we will not be working with her planner, all vendors will be password protected, and she's lucky she's even still invited, but will only be attending as a guest.
    via Defiant-Function8397
  • No speech, no mother/son dance. He also told her that if she interferes at all again, she won't even be allowed as a guest.
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  • The $25,000 was never a gift. It was a down payment on influence that did not pan out. Getting the deposit back on a sabotaged restaurant venue through a fake phone call made by the bride's mom is honestly the most poetic possible ending for that money.

  • We transferred the money back to her account.
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  • They are planning a 50-person wedding at a venue of their choosing. The guest list has not expanded. The planner is gone. Some lessons cost $25,000 to learn and some people teach them for free.

  • I told him I'm going no contact. I don't really want her there, but I will be polite on our wedding day because I don't want drama, but then I'm back to no contact for good. He is 100% backing me up.
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  • MNVixen Future MIL sure is a piece of work. Glad you found out about her, her schemes, and her duplicity now rather than later. I hope you and your future spouse can protect your peace and have a great wedding!
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  • Ngamoko Wow! Your MIL is a duplicitous piece of work. What a calculating sneaky cow! She was playing a long game. All power to your ma's spidey senses, that is a very useful power to have :)
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  • kipsterdude This was so much worse than I was expecting. I really wanted to give your MIL the benefit of the doubt.
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  • AuthorKRPaul NTA and I'm so glad to hear your future husband has a big shiny spine. Make sure you put passwords on every vendor and event space. Do not let her get the upper hand again.
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  • z-eldapin I would love to hear how MIL justified this to her son when he ripped her a new one
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  • Feeling_Week6757 Wowza! So glad your Mom is Spiderwoman! This is crazy, glad you can set boundaries now, wait until the grandchildren arrive. Congratulations on your wedding!
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  • Woman wearing glasses sits on a couch holding a tablet while another person sits nearby, looking worried or tense. with a quote that reads: Update: “We transferred the money back to her account”
    via A. C.

    Woman wearing glasses sits on a couch holding a tablet while another person sits nearby, suggesting a conversation or session.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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